fbpx

Dentists Who Invest

Episode 261

Wealth Mindset

Hosted By: Dr. James Martin

Dr. James: 

Fans of the Dentists Who Invest podcast. If you feel like there was one particular episode in the back catalogue in the anthology of Dentists Who Invest podcast episodes that really, really really was massively valuable to you, feel free to share that with a fellow dental colleague who’s in a similar position, so their understanding of finance can be elevated and they can hit the next level of financial success in their life. Also, as well as that, if you could take two seconds to rate and review this podcast, it would mean the world. To me. What that would mean is that it drives this podcast further in terms of reach, so that more dentists across the world can be able to benefit from the knowledge contained therein. Welcome, welcome to the Dentists Who Invest podcast. Hey, what is up team? Welcome back to the Dentists Who Invest podcast.

Dr. James: 

We have a super interesting guest today. I’m going to learn stuff as well. This is all about the psychology of wealth, less the technical stuff that we talk about. We do that all the time, but that’s boring, right? Or at least when you overdo it, it’s boring. Let’s talk about the stuff surrounding it that facilitates our success. I am privileged to be joined by Tom Fortes-Mayer. Tom, how are you today, my friend?

Tom: 

I’m good, I’m excited for this conversation. It’s my favorite topic and, yeah, I love what you do and how you do it, so I’m really happy to share what we can about. You know the psychology of success and this goes way beyond mindset, you know, and we look at it as a deeper look at really who we think we are, what we think we deserve, what we think we’re capable of, and how that comes about and how we can change it and how most people are unaware of the extraordinary amount of blocks they have in their beliefs about money, about life, about love, about themselves, and people are kind of battling against a kind of limited momentum. So a lot of people’s mindset work is like Sisyphus, you know. They’re pushing that ball up the hill every day. They’ve got miracle mornings, they’re doing like all sorts of stuff to get themselves into state, but what they’re not doing is going.

Tom: 

Actually, why don’t I just work on the foundational beliefs so that I can actually wake up feeling like incredibly capable and incredibly deserving and like success is normal for me? People wait till they get their success to feel happy and feel successful. It’s like no, no, no. Get happy and get successful in your sensation of self and then the money follows that, the love follows that, the life balance follows that well, the analogy that I always use, which is similar-ish to that, is that lots of people sacrifice the journey for the destination.

Tom: 

OK yeah, yeah, but they don’t realize that they get to the destination and if you’ve, if you’ve, if you’ve knackered your engine along the way, you know you’re not going to, you’re going to end up just resting in the corner fantasizing about retirement. When you do, when you work in the right way, there’s no fantasy of retirement 100.

Dr. James: 

And here’s the thing, here’s the scariest thing of all. If we use retirement as an example, most people postpone their happiness until they’re 60, 65, right, because that’s when we’re supposedly happy, at least if you subscribe to like conventional societal wisdom, I guess is one way of putting it. But here’s what I always say to people. I always say hey, listen, how many 65 year olds do you see running around like, yeah, oh, my god, I’m over the moon. You know what I mean. Right, it’s not like there’s this sudden flush of happiness. And here’s the thing not to get a little too morbid, who’s to say we’re even?

Tom: 

going to make it that far.

Tom: 

We have to give ourselves to be permission during the journey, which is what I think you’re saying right yeah, but it’s it’s permission, but it’s also, you know, understanding how identity you know so many, so many people are unaware of, like so many of the things that they think are familiar to them or natural to them are to do with the condition nurture that they experience, and then then it’s not the true nature of who they are. Even your birth order has an impact on who you think you are. The order in which you were born in your family, whether you’re a firstborn, secondborn, thirdborn these things have a massive impact on how we turn up what we believe we’re capable of, whether we’re going to be the good boy or the rebel, or you know. This stuff has a huge impact and a lot of times people aren’t analyzing this, even leaders. I go into businesses working with founders or people that own their own business and they’re not aware of the fact that they are in the role of father in a business and are they paying attention to the relationships that their staff have got with their parents? Because that’s going to play out in the boardroom, that’s going to play out in how they manage people, it’s going to play out in how they allow you to manage them or lead them. So much of this psychological stuff has an impact and the success of an organization is completely limited by the success psychology of all of the moving and working parts. If half of your organization think of themselves as lowly or as having a life that’s going to be average or mediocre, the whole vibration of the organization is affected by that.

Tom: 

You want to create vertical businesses that can expand and where everyone has a chance to be included in the profitability and the capability where all of their lives can have a chance to become more and more glorious and you expand their sense of possible and you make sure you’re making enough money to make everyone a lot more money. It’s like all business is like keeping on the salary and then just grow and take out the profits. It’s like no is like keep him on the salary and you know, and then just grow and take out the profits. It’s like no, no, think way more expansively about how your business can bring out the very best in people, where they will stay for life, where their kids will grow up hoping to be lucky enough to work for that same company. People don’t think long term like that. It’s like how would I create a business like that? You know, if you know if you want to grow a business with people not everyone wants that. It’s like how do you want to live? People kind of wait till they’ve got the success and then they design their life. It’s like no, no, no.

Tom: 

From day one you want to have a clear vision and you want to expand your sense of what’s possible. But it’s so much more than just setting goals and and having targets. You know you want to look at what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad. Most people don’t realize we all have an inner imposter. We have an inner saboteur, these parts of us that don’t even want us to succeed, but when we are succeeding it feels eerie, like someone’s going to knock on the door and take it all away.

Tom: 

These parts really affect how much we earn hugely, and so you have to understand where does this come from? How do I find those parts? How do I negotiate with them and get them on the team? People put all this effort into kind of HR, managing their staff. But you need to HR manage all these different parts inside your brain. Get them on new contracts, give them a raise, get them some new clothes, get them some new computers, computers get them all on the same team. Rebrand it, get the values pumping. You know it’s like the stuff people do externally in the business we have to do internally with our psychology that’s beautiful.

Dr. James: 

That is really, really fascinating. You know what I’m going to do when I’m worse at on this podcast and try to talk less. Okay, because I’m going to talk as little as possible because I, I, I there’s great value. Okay, you’re saying I’m here to learn as well. Tom, you’re listening to this podcast. Some will know you. Some have yet to meet you. If you were to, I know this is maybe not really something we want to do too much, but if you were to like, label yourself and give yourself some, give those people who are listening some sort of description about who you are, that would be a good place to start and then we can build all the things that we said on all the things that we said got it.

Tom: 

So I’ve been a therapist for 23 years. I had to practice on harley street, um. I now work just solely with business owners and founders and impact entrepreneurs to help them with their mindset. My speciality is around sabotage and imposter syndrome. I’ve published author twice, an international speaker, I founded a think tank to help articulate what a beautiful world would be like beyond fear and competition and a sense of lack, and I’m passionate about democratizing mental health tools for the masses to making it affordable. So I created an award-winning mindset app and I’m working on a new platform to enable people to do the deepest and most profound healing on themselves without the cost or inconvenience of a therapist.

Tom: 

So that’s kind of what I’m all about, but for me, I’d love to share with you a couple of kind of experiments that I think are the most fascinating things around psychology, you know so uh one of them is an experiment done by two psychologists in the late 60s um called Rosenthal and Jacobson, and they were looking at self-fulfilling prophecies and what they did was they went into um a classroom and these kids were kind of, I think, around 12 and what they did and this is when they in those days they kind of had one teacher for most of their lessons and they assessed these kids. They looked at their intelligence, they looked at their grades, they looked at their memory retention a whole bunch of different markers for their scholastic abilities and then what they did is they took the teacher to one side, away from the kids, and they pointed out three kids that were gifted Bright we’re going to go a long way according to their assessments, right. And then on that basis, they then assess them again at the end of the year. But the truth is the psychologist didn’t really select kids from the gifted section. The three they think they selected were from the average section, according to their measures, and what they looked at was how did those three kids do at the end of the year if they had a teacher that believed they were special?

Tom: 

Now most people know that it’s likely those kids went on to thrive. They did better compared to the other average kids in that class. They performed better in their sense of self, in their confidence, but also their grades Right Now. That’s pretty interesting. That’s really interesting if you manage people Right. That’s really interesting if you’re a father or a mother, right If you have kids. But just think for a moment. That teacher knew that they were being assessed by this kind of gaggle of psychologists. I’m not sure what the collective noun of psychologist is. So they were conscious of showing favoritism.

Dr. James: 

It’s going to be a weird one, isn’t it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tom: 

A clipboard of psychologists, anyway, and and so they were very careful not to show favoritism. But what they, what the study showed, is something that I would call implied expectation. So imagine that little Johnny puts his hand up and he doesn’t get this math problem. He doesn’t get it. Everything from how that teacher walks towards that kid says you’ve got this, you’re bright, you’re gifted, you’re going to go a long way, that implied expectation had an impact on his confidence, on his belief. Now, when you tell, explain that to most people that makes sense. There’s no surprise. It’s almost like one of those experiments. They didn’t even need to do it. It’s just logical, right, and yes, that’s important if you’re a manager of other people, if you you’re a parent. But just stop for a moment and consider, james, how are you with yourself when you run into a challenge, a problem, something, is your first thought you’re gifted, you’re bright, you’re going to go a long way, you’ve got this. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but the truth is we all knew that if we were to approach ourselves with that sense of belief, would our grades be better? Would we, you know, in an adult world? Would we be happier, would we be making more money at the end of the year, a hundred percent. So our internal relationship with our internal narrative, has a massive makes a massive difference. Now you can’t just choose to be positive. This is not wishy-washy psychobabble about affirmations and just thinking positive. You have to look at, like, what is, what are the limiting beliefs and what are the moments in my life that have affected how I feel about who I am and what I’m capable of? Because most of us have got a massive amount of those memories and moments and we need to clear the deck of those.

Tom: 

So another another experiment which I just find fascinating, you know, is they took a bunch of gorillas and put them in a room, right, and it’s an enclosure, and in the middle of the room is a ladder. At the top of the ladder is like a bunch of bananas, right, and what they do is when the gorillas go up the ladder to get the bananas, they sprayed all of them with cold water, right, and so it was horrible, horrible experiment, right, but you know, so they only need to do this a couple of times before the gorillas recognize it’s bad news to go and get the bananas, right. They learn. Then what they do is they introduce a new gorilla, right like comes into the space. So all right, mate. I don’t know if the internal language of gorillas is yeah something like how they talk.

Dr. James: 

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, I’m sure.

Tom: 

Pretty sure, that’s it, yeah, and you know, and they go to go up the ladder and all the other gorillas go mental, right, go crazy. He doesn’t understand why. Then they get, he gets, they get sprayed with water and he’s like, oh, all right, all right, all right. And so they kind of learn and they get better. They get better at communicating to the gorillas when they come in, that you just don’t go up the ladder, right. But the terrifying thing is, after time, what they did was they swapped out all the gorillas that had ever been sprayed with water and they built this culture and after a while you’d have all gorillas in an enclosure that had never been sprayed with water and none of them were going up the ladder to get the bananas no way. And that is so true.

Tom: 

We have tacit limitations in our psychology, in our culture, in our family, like what are your parents beliefs about money? What are your parents beliefs about success? What did your parents marriage teach you about partnership or love or life? These beliefs who we think we are, how we came to be who we are, what we think is possible, like all of these have a massive impact on our ability to be successful and to enjoy our success.

Tom: 

The other most fascinating experiment was done by Harvard, ellen Langer, and she was called Counterclockwise, and you’re going to love this one. They took a bunch of 70-year old men and they tested them for aging memory grip. They took photos of them, their heart rates, their blood pressure, all these different markers of like their biological aging, and then they trained them to remember what their life was like when they were 50. Right, and they, and they reminded them of how old their kids would have been and where their kids were going to school and all of that stuff, what they did for jobs, everything. Train them and train them and train them. They then put them in a ranch which was decorated 20 years prior right, so it was, you know, of the style of 20 years before.

Tom: 

Then they piped in old tv shows from that time period and they reprinted old newspapers to look new Again, 20 years prior. So they lived for like two or three weeks as though they were 50. And then they did all of the kind of biological markers of aging and a massive amount of them were reversed, reversed Just by pretending to experience themselves younger. They had all sorts of moves, so apparently I can’t remember exactly the details, but they took photos of them afterwards and an independent panel of people assessed that they were something like on average, two or three years younger. When they said how old do you think this person is and they were all aged they thought that the photo, the after photos, they came out an average of two to three years or something younger, just having spent three weeks living as though they were, that’s nuts, but our mind and our beliefs, our expectations, our identity, our culture, our childhood, our parents’ beliefs, our grandfather’s unresolved trauma has been proven to impact our epigenetics, dictating which of our genes are activated or not.

Tom: 

It’s massively important. It fundamentally underpins how we turn up, how we perform and what we achieve, and for me, it’s incredible that people don’t spend more time thinking about this stuff, because you can change it.

Dr. James: 

Real quick, guys. I’ve put together a special report for dentists, entitled the Seven Costly and disastrous mistakes that dentists make whenever it comes to their finances. Most of the time, dentists are going through these issues and they don’t even necessarily realize that they’re happening until they have their eyes opened, and that is the purpose of this report. You can go ahead and receive your free report by heading on over to wwwdentistoinvestcom forward slash podcast report or, alternativelyly, you can download it using the link in the description. This report details these seven most common issues. However, most importantly, it also shows you how to fix them. I’m really looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Nuts, and can I ask you on that? Can I ask you? You said that. Was it epigenetics? That’s the word that you said, right, yeah, so is that a nature or a nurture thing, or both, as in, as in the genes that are activated? Or is or or? Here’s the thing. Maybe the science doesn’t exist to prove this yet, I don’t know well, no, I mean.

Tom: 

So they’ve proven now. So they’ve proven, epigenetics has been proven that the unresolved stress comes through. And so it’s the it is. It is you would call it nurture at the point of stress, for the grandfather, right, but by the time it’s being passed on, like you know, through the sperm, right and the egg. Then that’s nature, right. So it’s an intersection, an intersection, I guess, of both really. And so the biology of belief, incredible book written by Bruce Lipton, is recognizing that our beliefs impact on how our genes are either being switched on or switched off.

Tom: 

There’s even cases of multiple personality, mentally unwell people who, in different personalities, have different allergies. So they’ll have an allergy when they’re identifying in one personality but not in another. Right for real, I mean literally, as in histamine, histamine releases in different personalities. And of course you know I’ve helped people deal with, um, allergy, allergic reactions, because their unconscious has decided something is a threat. I mean that’s essentially, it’s a physiological, phobic response to something which is essentially inert. There’s nothing physiologically dangerous about peanuts, but someone’s body has decided a peanut is a threat and therefore it has an allergic reaction to something.

Tom: 

There’s a psychological counterpart, and so, with deep level therapy or hypnotherapy or these tools that get into the unconscious mind, because this can’t be changed with talking therapy, can’t? It has to get into the unconscious mind to reprogram these beliefs and dissolve the limiting beliefs and release the kind of pent up negative emotion that all of us carry, you know. So you need the emotional detox, you need to dissolve the beliefs and then you need to imprint new, empowering, positive beliefs that aren’t that, aren’t some kind of fantasy version of you. It’s the version of you you always would have been, had you been brought up perfectly and had enlightened teachers and never experienced anything miserable in your life.

Dr. James: 

You know I get that what you’re? You’re not actually giving them a new identity. You’re actually aligning them more with their true inner identity, which is always in there exactly that’s the key people.

Tom: 

You know I’m not changing you when I work with clients. I’m not changing them into something new. I’m clearing the deck so they can be who they were always destined to be before life. Just beat the crap out of them. And if you’re sitting there thinking, oh life didn’t. You know I was pretty lucky. You know it’s like, even if you were pretty lucky, I guarantee you there’s at least 50 sucky moments in your life that completely knock the wind your sales and if you haven’t learned how to process that, it’s going to be affecting what you earn and it’s going to be affecting how happy you are. How many of you listening to this have achieved a milestone and it felt good for about two days and then you’re like next right because, it’s common.

Tom: 

It’s common. I work with this guy. I was talking to this guy, you know, a while ago and and, uh, you know he’d raised 23 million, giving his company a valuation of 300 million. He’s on set. A few years he’ll be at a billion pound valuation. He’s a very successful guy and I said, when you raise that 23 million, how long did it feel good for you know that 300 million valuation of your company? You know that 300 million valuation of your company. I went three days and he went two.

Tom: 

It’s just like you know, because that’s not, it’s not where our happiness comes from, you know. Now, at the same time, I’m not against us having extraordinary achievements. I love that. I love helping people build the lives that they adore, and it’s just understanding that. You know what our satisfaction doesn’t come from. What we get’s, it’s who we’re becoming in the process. It’s going to be able to be able to put our head on the pillow at night and be proud of who we are, as a man or as a woman, who’s in their integrity, who’s performing at their best, who is giving back to the world and is is, is having a positive impact through what they’re doing and is, in principle, loves themselves enough to build a life that they adore.

Tom: 

Some people say to me so you’re just kind of making people selfish. I’m like, well, yeah, on one level, but with one difference Selfish people who have no fear are selfless. They’re just beautiful people to be around. They’re naturally philanthropic, they’re naturally charitable, they’re naturally gorgeous and fun to be around. It’s like their contribution is not the money that they’re giving to good causes or the people in their family they help along the way, or it’s that. It’s that person walking around in the world just with that smile on their face, that twinkle in their eye, that spring in their step wherever he goes or wherever she goes. That’s your contribution, your happiness, your success, driving your contentment. That’s the greatest gift. That’s our greatest gift. Will philanthropy follow that? For sure, 100%, because you’ll be in surplus, you’ll have more than you need and you’ll gladly help out other people in need. That happens naturally. That’s a symptom of just your success. But your contribution is not that. Your contribution is your happiness. That’s what the field needs.

Tom: 

We’re part of the connected field. We’re evolving. It’s trying to work out new ways of being better, more beautiful. It’s like when we get that that’s the plan, then our work becomes a gymnasium for our character. We want to smash it at work, because we’re then going to be a better husband, we’re going to be a better father, we’re going to be a better mother, it’s going to be a better daughter, a better citizen. It’s like our work is where we develop our character. You know, when we get that, it’s like going to the gym and it’s like good to go to the gym. Our job, our dreams are like a workshop for our soul. You know, and we think of it like that, success follows naturally that’s cool, man.

Dr. James: 

Thanks for sharing. Thanks for sharing. And you know what there was when you were talking. There was like 10 different directions. My mind was going in terms of what to ask next, and I think here’s the best one. Okay, here is the one that topped the lot. This is the best one, right? So you’re talking about aligning who we are with our inner essence, becoming closer and closer and closer to who we really are, rather than this identity that’s been crafted to a degree by the external world, by the science of it, right? Yeah?

Tom: 

exactly, exactly, so here’s the thing.

Dr. James: 

I yeah, I’ve heard something similar before and it kind of like this your inner essence is in here and you’ve got these successive layers to bust through right Like an onion. Yeah, and you listen. You know where my words are coming from in this book. It’s from that book the David, what’s it? The David data one.

Tom: 

Oh, David, the way of the superior man.

Dr. James: 

Yeah, the title is a little bit uh, pompous, I guess, isn’t it really? But there’s some good stuff in there, because I remember we talked about it, didn’t we?

Dr. James: 

but anyway, so in that book for those who haven’t read it, it’s like your essence is in here. There’s a lot of layers of the onion to peel through to get to your essence right, to get to the thing that really makes you happy, but you have to unpeel one fully before you can get to the next one. You have to create stability right, and what they mean by that is like, say, you’ve got a job, you have to have some cash flow so that you don’t just keep rebounding in this area. Otherwise you’ll just need to generate money from somewhere and you’ll kind of not really find the thing that really makes you happy. Anyway, the whole reason I explained that was because you touched upon it and I was wanting to know what is the blueprint for investigating that process for an individual. How do we understand what their inner essence looks like versus where they are and how they can successfully get closer and closer? How’s that done?

Tom: 

Nice. So I really like my kind of metaphor. I love, for this is Michelangelo’s response to his sculpting of the statue David right, which is considered by most kind of art buffs to be the best sculpture ever made. It’s like four meters tall. If you just look at the detail of the veins on his hands, it will blow your mind. But what a lot of people don’t know is that that white marble that he carved him out of was a notoriously horrible piece of marble to work with. It was so stiff. That’s what enables you to do all the detail, but it’s a real pick to work with. Two other sculptors had given up on it and someone said to him how did you make david? He’s like I didn’t make david. David was already fully and perfectly formed within the rock. I just had to remove everything that wasn’t david. I love that.

Tom: 

Now, for me, we don’t need to work on discovering our essence. What we need to work on is dissolving the moments that took us away from our essence. So in our story as we develop, in naturally going from being in the womb to being born, to this process, there are key moments that I call no, moments that everyone goes through and we all have a fair share of additional ones that give us a sense of being separate and a sense of being less than adequate. And in those moments we compensate. We either hide or give up or work too hard or become a people pleaser, become overly successful. We all got our strategies, and so I call them our complaints, which are the bad things that happen to us, that knock the wind out of ourselves. And our compensations. They know those compensations might be about really good things that have helped you make an awful lot of money. They might be very dear to you, some of those compensatory behaviors, but they’re all still nothing to do with who you truly are. So what you want to do, what you have to do, is systematically go on a journey to find these no moments, these moments in your process of becoming who you are, and be able to dissolve them.

Tom: 

And for me, in the 23 years I’ve been obsessed with understanding transformation, there are hundreds of different techniques, but really you can put any of those techniques into what I call kind of six categories. I believe there’s six kind of transformational techniques that create life change. So my work with clients is to teach them these six techniques so that people aren’t dependent, so that they then got the tools with which to continue to cleansing their idea of who they are and to turn up every day in greater alignment. So really, it’s their idea of who they are, and to turn up every day in greater alignment. So really it’s.

Tom: 

You don’t need to do anything to enhance the essence of who a person is. You just have to remove all the things that block them from seeing that On my website, the first thing you’ll see is when you see yourself, as I already see you, there’ll be no stopping. That’s the essence. It’s like it’s already there, it’s ready to go. In that place we’re full of love, we’re super happy and we’re naturally abundant, and that stuff can’t even be touched. You know, the Buddha said the moon is often hidden by the clouds, but it is not moved by them and its purity remains untarnished In our inner essence. It’s undented, it’s ready to go, it’s fired up and we all feel it. We feel it, we know it, we know we’ve got this extraordinary potential inside us. It terrifies us. We wonder if our friends will still talk to us. We’re terrified of success too, you know, because we know there’s something so glorious about it that it’s almost terrifying to step into that right I agree.

Dr. James: 

It’s almost like we’re not ready for it, even though we said we want it.

Tom: 

To a degree it’s huge, because we know it’s going to be so big and so beautiful that it’s a lot to take on, and we know it’ll be a lot for the people around us to take on, and that’s key as well. But when we’re driven by, I’m not good enough and I’m going to show it to the world and I’m going to be validated by my success. It’s gross and people don’t like it. They feel like you put your nose in the air and you’re lording above them because you are. There’s a little kid inside who didn’t feel special enough. He’s trying to prove something to them. He’s trying to prove that he’s better than them. No one likes that. But it’s possible to have success without any of that. It’s not about humility. It’s just about I’m just like, I want to be the full expression of my greatest capability and I’m in love with that. We don’t. We don’t look at a beautiful sunflower and go show off, right because somehow it doesn’t need your praise, right.

Tom: 

It’s when someone’s showing off to get validation, that’s when it puts us off. So helping working out how to be your fullest expression, being extraordinarily beautifully, unique, but in no way walking around thinking that that makes you better than anybody else. You might be more expressed, but everyone I meet I’m like’m like if you in your freest, most fullest, most beautiful place, you’d be absolutely glorious. Now everyone has that capacity to live abundantly and freely. For me there’s a, there’s a connect there and people say, oh well, some people don’t have the intelligence for me, when you get a vibrationally clearer of the stuff that’s blocking who you really are, you start to kind of access a greater level of understanding of things Like intelligence is to do with our integration. We get a much more aligned and capable creativity and capability when we clear all the decks of our doubt and our need to be special and our need to be validated.

Dr. James: 

all that stuff it gets in the way to be special and I need to be validated all that stuff that gets in the way. So there’s no cap on us expressing our radiance, so to speak, like the sunflower. Yeah, providing it’s a line, providing it comes from a place of authenticity. It’s the second that it becomes arrogant. That it’s an issue is that? Is that what you’re saying?

Tom: 

100%, yeah, 100%, and there’s loads of people out there who are incredibly successful, who we just adore because they’re just expressing their authentic selves and they’re like smashing it and we’re just like you go, man. You go because they’re not lording over anyone, they don’t need that, they’re not doing it for that reason. They’re just epic and we love epic, but it’s almost like I’m more epic than you. Look at me. It’s just like it’s. It’s, it’s awful, it’s just egotism and actually we just it just doesn’t feel good because we know it’s not good for them either, which is why they’re behind closed doors crying into their cornflakes. They’re not happy. That doesn’t make them happy, because nothing, nothing external, does but being in the fullest expression of our greatest glory. That feels good, because what we get although we get stuff it’s because it feels great to be that version of ourselves and and when we know that’s authentic.

Tom: 

Because those people just walk around trying to get everyone else to see their potential and when you’re that kind of person, you’re naturally a leader. When you have that natural leadership, people will follow, they will listen and you have the ability to raise money, to get investment, to get partnership. People want to mate with you. You know it’s like all the good things. Just when we don’t need it, we get it. This is the greatest paradox of life just when we don’t need it, we are in the best position to get it. That’s why we have such problem with politics, because those people want power to either the last people to have power, that’s the last people that should have power, because they want it.

Tom: 

We need to find people who would never want to be yeah, there was so much stuff there that was really cool sorry, we finished well, I mean we could go on for more, but yeah, I think we. Uh, it’s probably enough.

Dr. James: 

There’s a big download, but I’m happy to take one last question well, here’s the thing, here’s what was going through my head when I heard you talking. So this is brilliant and from a high level. This covers why we think and do the things that we do right, which is it’s self-awareness, or at least it’s that in part. Yeah, so if we were to make it maybe like, bring it down like one step more and just focus it in Right, let’s talk, let’s use the onion analogy we were talking about earlier. What do those layers often look like? Or what thing do you commonly see that people need help with in overcoming, such as those traumatic incidents that we talked about, like when we were made to feel not enough?

Tom: 

I’m sure there’s themes, well, well, there are. I mean it’s it’s a big topic but just briefly and um, you know, and we could do a master class on this because we’d have a bit more time to go into it more deeply. In fact, I mean I’ve got a, I’ve got a recording of a master class which I’d be happy to share, which is where I go into this in more detail. You can just share with your people. It’s a beautiful transmission, really understanding the psychology of how we get in the way. But in the simplest form, we have to. We have to have an inner life. You know, socrates said the life, a life unexamined, is no life at all. What he meant by that is you have to understand who you are and how you’re turning up and why you’re turning up in that way, right, so it’s understanding that our childhood, our parents’ beliefs, all the things that happened to us, these turn us into a way of being that isn’t necessarily who we really are. And the job is to be able to contemplate how did that impact on me? What belief did I derive from that? What beliefs did I inherit from that? What story did I tell myself? And systematically rebuilding a psychology of belief and value beyond what the world has reflected to us. The world is confused, and has been for a long time, and it’s hard to be human without getting cynical or doubting ourselves or doubting others, and so it’s about returning to our innocence, returning to our state of deservingness, and looking at everything that’s dented. That and just giving literally honestly. It’s about giving space for the feelings that we’re there, which we hide. We keep busy, we have another drink, we don’t stop, we don’t feel, we we see it, we see it as vulnerability, but actually taking time to systematically go and visit those moments that were hard and to create space for us to feel the feelings and then dissolve the limiting belief that we chose to believe at that time.

Tom: 

It really is the techniques to do that might not necessarily be that simple, but the overview, the practical overview, is really that’s what’s involved and you can do that yourself. It takes courage and it takes time, but the more that you do that, the less reactive you’ll be, the less angry you’ll be, the less egotistical you’ll be, the less jealous you’ll be, the more you’ll find yourself able to communicate from a state of flow and to lead creatively the whole thing. And as soon as you get a real taste of that potential coming through. More it gets addictive in a really beautiful way, like I want freedom, I want natural abundance from a place of grace and capability and flow and all these things that the greatest performers talk about, these moments of sublime capability that they can’t plan for.

Tom: 

All the practice is about getting out of the way of yourself so you can get into an automatic state and then you know it’s like, wow, magical things happen, magical people come our way, synchronicities occur, we attract the people who are going to help us move forward. The whole thing we just start to. There’s a vibrational kind of awareness of what’s for us and what isn’t, and the more we work out who we really are, the more we know what our tune sounds like and we know when someone’s playing a fiddle which matches. You know we. Just the system works beautifully if we, if we, if we listen and we feel enough of what’s true awesome man.

Dr. James: 

Thank you so much. You know what? There was. One thing I was going to say just then, and I and obviously the the name of this podcast is the denison fest podcast, so obviously it’s all about wealth. Yeah, and not that that’s the only thing in life, it’s not the most important thing, but it is something that can facilitate our freedom of the things.

Tom: 

Yeah, yeah and all these things we’re talking about.

Dr. James: 

Just to really nail this point home. These are all things that will allow us to be healthier, wealthier and happier.

Tom: 

A lot of essence yeah, yeah, just also, just this, just walking around with the feeling like you’ve already made it right, just like that’s the vibration that will mean you make it like be that guy today, be that woman today. It’s like, don’t wait for that feeling. That feeling is the secret like, like, build your life, even if it’s in a small way, if later on it’s going to look like this, then have elements of what your amazing life will look like now. Have little versions of it. Even if it’s just microscopic elements, you know it’s like. Even if it’s just a tiny taste of caviar or one round of golf, you know it’s like.

Tom: 

Whatever it is, that is what your life will be like. Then try and have some element of that now and have the joy of that, because it’s that’s the guy, that’s the woman, it’s the state of being from which everything, everything flows. So just walking around with a sense of your investments are well invested and you’ve got a good return and you’re incredibly grateful, like. If you want, the quickest way to establish that amazing life is walk around with the emotional sensations of feeling blessed and being appropriately grateful, like and so that, if you want the simplest take-home practice, combine that with music that makes you feel blessed and grateful and walk around feeling like you’re a blessed person and that you’re grateful. The more you can do that, the better your life will be, and if you struggle to do that, it’s because you have unresolved emotional content that you need to detox. It’s that simple.

Dr. James: 

Good for thought. That’s awesome, you know what. One final thing, and then we’re going to wrap up, because I like to keep these podcasts about 30, 40 minutes, bite-sized, tangible, entertaining, and all of that. Here’s something that I heard the other day. It’d be interesting to hear you take on this. Someone said this to me and they were saying you know, whenever we experience emotion, each and every one of us is an individual, and let’s say that’s joy, let’s say that’s sadness, let’s say that’s anger, whatever. Oftentimes we blame the external stimuli. We’re like that person made me annoyed, that person made me this, that person made me that, and they might be annoying you know, just for sure, they might be annoying.

Dr. James: 

I get that right. But here’s the thing right. Someone said to me the other day they were like you know, whenever you experience any emotion, that isn’t happiness. Let’s use anger as an example. They didn’t put the emotion in you, the external stimuli, it was already in you, you with me. Yeah, that’s just what conjured it out, right. And then I was like I mean, I already knew, I already know, I already knew that you were accountable to a degree whenever you experience a certain emotion. But whoever said that to me, the person that said that to me, they put it so eloquently, it just took that realization and appreciation of accountability to a whole new level for me.

Dr. James: 

right, and I was like wow, so we can be working on these things all this time, all this time to be more in control. Beautiful, totally. Let’s end it there, man tom, it’s been awesome to have you along today, my friend. Where can people find out more about you, the listeners?

Tom: 

yeah, so, uh, just tomfortismayercom, so that’s where you’ll be able to find what I do hot stuff.

Dr. James: 

Tom, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, thoughts and time with us today. We’re going to have you back soon, 100%.

Tom: 

Amazing James, amazing. Yeah, thank you so much. It’s been a blast.

Dr. James: 

If you enjoyed this podcast, please hit, follow or subscribe so you can stay up to date with information on new podcasts which are released weekly. Please also feel free to leave a positive review so others can learn about this podcast and benefit from it. I would also encourage any fans of the podcast to sign up to the free Facebook community from which the podcast originated. Please search Dentists who Invest on Facebook and hit join to become part of a community of thousands of other dentists interested in improving their finances, well-being and investing knowledge. Looking forward to seeing you on there.

Dr. James: 

Fans of the Dentists Who Invest podcast. If you feel like there was one particular episode in the back catalogue in the anthology of Dentists Who Invest podcast episodes that really, really really was massively valuable to you, feel free to share that with a fellow dental colleague who’s in a similar position, so their understanding of finance can be elevated and they can hit the next level of financial success in their life. Also, as well as that, if you could take two seconds to rate and review this podcast, it would mean the world. To me. What that would mean is that it drives this podcast further in terms of reach, so that more dentists across the world can be able to benefit from the knowledge contained therein. Welcome, welcome to the Dentists Who Invest podcast. Hey, what is up team? Welcome back to the Dentists Who Invest podcast.

Dr. James: 

We have a super interesting guest today. I’m going to learn stuff as well. This is all about the psychology of wealth, less the technical stuff that we talk about. We do that all the time, but that’s boring, right? Or at least when you overdo it, it’s boring. Let’s talk about the stuff surrounding it that facilitates our success. I am privileged to be joined by Tom Fortes-Mayer. Tom, how are you today, my friend?

Tom: 

I’m good, I’m excited for this conversation. It’s my favorite topic and, yeah, I love what you do and how you do it, so I’m really happy to share what we can about. You know the psychology of success and this goes way beyond mindset, you know, and we look at it as a deeper look at really who we think we are, what we think we deserve, what we think we’re capable of, and how that comes about and how we can change it and how most people are unaware of the extraordinary amount of blocks they have in their beliefs about money, about life, about love, about themselves, and people are kind of battling against a kind of limited momentum. So a lot of people’s mindset work is like Sisyphus, you know. They’re pushing that ball up the hill every day. They’ve got miracle mornings, they’re doing like all sorts of stuff to get themselves into state, but what they’re not doing is going.

Tom: 

Actually, why don’t I just work on the foundational beliefs so that I can actually wake up feeling like incredibly capable and incredibly deserving and like success is normal for me? People wait till they get their success to feel happy and feel successful. It’s like no, no, no. Get happy and get successful in your sensation of self and then the money follows that, the love follows that, the life balance follows that well, the analogy that I always use, which is similar-ish to that, is that lots of people sacrifice the journey for the destination.

Tom: 

OK yeah, yeah, but they don’t realize that they get to the destination and if you’ve, if you’ve, if you’ve knackered your engine along the way, you know you’re not going to, you’re going to end up just resting in the corner fantasizing about retirement. When you do, when you work in the right way, there’s no fantasy of retirement 100.

Dr. James: 

And here’s the thing, here’s the scariest thing of all. If we use retirement as an example, most people postpone their happiness until they’re 60, 65, right, because that’s when we’re supposedly happy, at least if you subscribe to like conventional societal wisdom, I guess is one way of putting it. But here’s what I always say to people. I always say hey, listen, how many 65 year olds do you see running around like, yeah, oh, my god, I’m over the moon. You know what I mean. Right, it’s not like there’s this sudden flush of happiness. And here’s the thing not to get a little too morbid, who’s to say we’re even?

Tom: 

going to make it that far.

Tom: 

We have to give ourselves to be permission during the journey, which is what I think you’re saying right yeah, but it’s it’s permission, but it’s also, you know, understanding how identity you know so many, so many people are unaware of, like so many of the things that they think are familiar to them or natural to them are to do with the condition nurture that they experience, and then then it’s not the true nature of who they are. Even your birth order has an impact on who you think you are. The order in which you were born in your family, whether you’re a firstborn, secondborn, thirdborn these things have a massive impact on how we turn up what we believe we’re capable of, whether we’re going to be the good boy or the rebel, or you know. This stuff has a huge impact and a lot of times people aren’t analyzing this, even leaders. I go into businesses working with founders or people that own their own business and they’re not aware of the fact that they are in the role of father in a business and are they paying attention to the relationships that their staff have got with their parents? Because that’s going to play out in the boardroom, that’s going to play out in how they manage people, it’s going to play out in how they allow you to manage them or lead them. So much of this psychological stuff has an impact and the success of an organization is completely limited by the success psychology of all of the moving and working parts. If half of your organization think of themselves as lowly or as having a life that’s going to be average or mediocre, the whole vibration of the organization is affected by that.

Tom: 

You want to create vertical businesses that can expand and where everyone has a chance to be included in the profitability and the capability where all of their lives can have a chance to become more and more glorious and you expand their sense of possible and you make sure you’re making enough money to make everyone a lot more money. It’s like all business is like keeping on the salary and then just grow and take out the profits. It’s like no is like keep him on the salary and you know, and then just grow and take out the profits. It’s like no, no, think way more expansively about how your business can bring out the very best in people, where they will stay for life, where their kids will grow up hoping to be lucky enough to work for that same company. People don’t think long term like that. It’s like how would I create a business like that? You know, if you know if you want to grow a business with people not everyone wants that. It’s like how do you want to live? People kind of wait till they’ve got the success and then they design their life. It’s like no, no, no.

Tom: 

From day one you want to have a clear vision and you want to expand your sense of what’s possible. But it’s so much more than just setting goals and and having targets. You know you want to look at what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad. Most people don’t realize we all have an inner imposter. We have an inner saboteur, these parts of us that don’t even want us to succeed, but when we are succeeding it feels eerie, like someone’s going to knock on the door and take it all away.

Tom: 

These parts really affect how much we earn hugely, and so you have to understand where does this come from? How do I find those parts? How do I negotiate with them and get them on the team? People put all this effort into kind of HR, managing their staff. But you need to HR manage all these different parts inside your brain. Get them on new contracts, give them a raise, get them some new clothes, get them some new computers, computers get them all on the same team. Rebrand it, get the values pumping. You know it’s like the stuff people do externally in the business we have to do internally with our psychology that’s beautiful.

Dr. James: 

That is really, really fascinating. You know what I’m going to do when I’m worse at on this podcast and try to talk less. Okay, because I’m going to talk as little as possible because I, I, I there’s great value. Okay, you’re saying I’m here to learn as well. Tom, you’re listening to this podcast. Some will know you. Some have yet to meet you. If you were to, I know this is maybe not really something we want to do too much, but if you were to like, label yourself and give yourself some, give those people who are listening some sort of description about who you are, that would be a good place to start and then we can build all the things that we said on all the things that we said got it.

Tom: 

So I’ve been a therapist for 23 years. I had to practice on harley street, um. I now work just solely with business owners and founders and impact entrepreneurs to help them with their mindset. My speciality is around sabotage and imposter syndrome. I’ve published author twice, an international speaker, I founded a think tank to help articulate what a beautiful world would be like beyond fear and competition and a sense of lack, and I’m passionate about democratizing mental health tools for the masses to making it affordable. So I created an award-winning mindset app and I’m working on a new platform to enable people to do the deepest and most profound healing on themselves without the cost or inconvenience of a therapist.

Tom: 

So that’s kind of what I’m all about, but for me, I’d love to share with you a couple of kind of experiments that I think are the most fascinating things around psychology, you know so uh one of them is an experiment done by two psychologists in the late 60s um called Rosenthal and Jacobson, and they were looking at self-fulfilling prophecies and what they did was they went into um a classroom and these kids were kind of, I think, around 12 and what they did and this is when they in those days they kind of had one teacher for most of their lessons and they assessed these kids. They looked at their intelligence, they looked at their grades, they looked at their memory retention a whole bunch of different markers for their scholastic abilities and then what they did is they took the teacher to one side, away from the kids, and they pointed out three kids that were gifted Bright we’re going to go a long way according to their assessments, right. And then on that basis, they then assess them again at the end of the year. But the truth is the psychologist didn’t really select kids from the gifted section. The three they think they selected were from the average section, according to their measures, and what they looked at was how did those three kids do at the end of the year if they had a teacher that believed they were special?

Tom: 

Now most people know that it’s likely those kids went on to thrive. They did better compared to the other average kids in that class. They performed better in their sense of self, in their confidence, but also their grades Right Now. That’s pretty interesting. That’s really interesting if you manage people Right. That’s really interesting if you’re a father or a mother, right If you have kids. But just think for a moment. That teacher knew that they were being assessed by this kind of gaggle of psychologists. I’m not sure what the collective noun of psychologist is. So they were conscious of showing favoritism.

Dr. James: 

It’s going to be a weird one, isn’t it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tom: 

A clipboard of psychologists, anyway, and and so they were very careful not to show favoritism. But what they, what the study showed, is something that I would call implied expectation. So imagine that little Johnny puts his hand up and he doesn’t get this math problem. He doesn’t get it. Everything from how that teacher walks towards that kid says you’ve got this, you’re bright, you’re gifted, you’re going to go a long way, that implied expectation had an impact on his confidence, on his belief. Now, when you tell, explain that to most people that makes sense. There’s no surprise. It’s almost like one of those experiments. They didn’t even need to do it. It’s just logical, right, and yes, that’s important if you’re a manager of other people, if you you’re a parent. But just stop for a moment and consider, james, how are you with yourself when you run into a challenge, a problem, something, is your first thought you’re gifted, you’re bright, you’re going to go a long way, you’ve got this. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but the truth is we all knew that if we were to approach ourselves with that sense of belief, would our grades be better? Would we, you know, in an adult world? Would we be happier, would we be making more money at the end of the year, a hundred percent. So our internal relationship with our internal narrative, has a massive makes a massive difference. Now you can’t just choose to be positive. This is not wishy-washy psychobabble about affirmations and just thinking positive. You have to look at, like, what is, what are the limiting beliefs and what are the moments in my life that have affected how I feel about who I am and what I’m capable of? Because most of us have got a massive amount of those memories and moments and we need to clear the deck of those.

Tom: 

So another another experiment which I just find fascinating, you know, is they took a bunch of gorillas and put them in a room, right, and it’s an enclosure, and in the middle of the room is a ladder. At the top of the ladder is like a bunch of bananas, right, and what they do is when the gorillas go up the ladder to get the bananas, they sprayed all of them with cold water, right, and so it was horrible, horrible experiment, right, but you know, so they only need to do this a couple of times before the gorillas recognize it’s bad news to go and get the bananas, right. They learn. Then what they do is they introduce a new gorilla, right like comes into the space. So all right, mate. I don’t know if the internal language of gorillas is yeah something like how they talk.

Dr. James: 

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, I’m sure.

Tom: 

Pretty sure, that’s it, yeah, and you know, and they go to go up the ladder and all the other gorillas go mental, right, go crazy. He doesn’t understand why. Then they get, he gets, they get sprayed with water and he’s like, oh, all right, all right, all right. And so they kind of learn and they get better. They get better at communicating to the gorillas when they come in, that you just don’t go up the ladder, right. But the terrifying thing is, after time, what they did was they swapped out all the gorillas that had ever been sprayed with water and they built this culture and after a while you’d have all gorillas in an enclosure that had never been sprayed with water and none of them were going up the ladder to get the bananas no way. And that is so true.

Tom: 

We have tacit limitations in our psychology, in our culture, in our family, like what are your parents beliefs about money? What are your parents beliefs about success? What did your parents marriage teach you about partnership or love or life? These beliefs who we think we are, how we came to be who we are, what we think is possible, like all of these have a massive impact on our ability to be successful and to enjoy our success.

Tom: 

The other most fascinating experiment was done by Harvard, ellen Langer, and she was called Counterclockwise, and you’re going to love this one. They took a bunch of 70-year old men and they tested them for aging memory grip. They took photos of them, their heart rates, their blood pressure, all these different markers of like their biological aging, and then they trained them to remember what their life was like when they were 50. Right, and they, and they reminded them of how old their kids would have been and where their kids were going to school and all of that stuff, what they did for jobs, everything. Train them and train them and train them. They then put them in a ranch which was decorated 20 years prior right, so it was, you know, of the style of 20 years before.

Tom: 

Then they piped in old tv shows from that time period and they reprinted old newspapers to look new Again, 20 years prior. So they lived for like two or three weeks as though they were 50. And then they did all of the kind of biological markers of aging and a massive amount of them were reversed, reversed Just by pretending to experience themselves younger. They had all sorts of moves, so apparently I can’t remember exactly the details, but they took photos of them afterwards and an independent panel of people assessed that they were something like on average, two or three years younger. When they said how old do you think this person is and they were all aged they thought that the photo, the after photos, they came out an average of two to three years or something younger, just having spent three weeks living as though they were, that’s nuts, but our mind and our beliefs, our expectations, our identity, our culture, our childhood, our parents’ beliefs, our grandfather’s unresolved trauma has been proven to impact our epigenetics, dictating which of our genes are activated or not.

Tom: 

It’s massively important. It fundamentally underpins how we turn up, how we perform and what we achieve, and for me, it’s incredible that people don’t spend more time thinking about this stuff, because you can change it.

Dr. James: 

Real quick, guys. I’ve put together a special report for dentists, entitled the Seven Costly and disastrous mistakes that dentists make whenever it comes to their finances. Most of the time, dentists are going through these issues and they don’t even necessarily realize that they’re happening until they have their eyes opened, and that is the purpose of this report. You can go ahead and receive your free report by heading on over to wwwdentistoinvestcom forward slash podcast report or, alternativelyly, you can download it using the link in the description. This report details these seven most common issues. However, most importantly, it also shows you how to fix them. I’m really looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Nuts, and can I ask you on that? Can I ask you? You said that. Was it epigenetics? That’s the word that you said, right, yeah, so is that a nature or a nurture thing, or both, as in, as in the genes that are activated? Or is or or? Here’s the thing. Maybe the science doesn’t exist to prove this yet, I don’t know well, no, I mean.

Tom: 

So they’ve proven now. So they’ve proven, epigenetics has been proven that the unresolved stress comes through. And so it’s the it is. It is you would call it nurture at the point of stress, for the grandfather, right, but by the time it’s being passed on, like you know, through the sperm, right and the egg. Then that’s nature, right. So it’s an intersection, an intersection, I guess, of both really. And so the biology of belief, incredible book written by Bruce Lipton, is recognizing that our beliefs impact on how our genes are either being switched on or switched off.

Tom: 

There’s even cases of multiple personality, mentally unwell people who, in different personalities, have different allergies. So they’ll have an allergy when they’re identifying in one personality but not in another. Right for real, I mean literally, as in histamine, histamine releases in different personalities. And of course you know I’ve helped people deal with, um, allergy, allergic reactions, because their unconscious has decided something is a threat. I mean that’s essentially, it’s a physiological, phobic response to something which is essentially inert. There’s nothing physiologically dangerous about peanuts, but someone’s body has decided a peanut is a threat and therefore it has an allergic reaction to something.

Tom: 

There’s a psychological counterpart, and so, with deep level therapy or hypnotherapy or these tools that get into the unconscious mind, because this can’t be changed with talking therapy, can’t? It has to get into the unconscious mind to reprogram these beliefs and dissolve the limiting beliefs and release the kind of pent up negative emotion that all of us carry, you know. So you need the emotional detox, you need to dissolve the beliefs and then you need to imprint new, empowering, positive beliefs that aren’t that, aren’t some kind of fantasy version of you. It’s the version of you you always would have been, had you been brought up perfectly and had enlightened teachers and never experienced anything miserable in your life.

Dr. James: 

You know I get that what you’re? You’re not actually giving them a new identity. You’re actually aligning them more with their true inner identity, which is always in there exactly that’s the key people.

Tom: 

You know I’m not changing you when I work with clients. I’m not changing them into something new. I’m clearing the deck so they can be who they were always destined to be before life. Just beat the crap out of them. And if you’re sitting there thinking, oh life didn’t. You know I was pretty lucky. You know it’s like, even if you were pretty lucky, I guarantee you there’s at least 50 sucky moments in your life that completely knock the wind your sales and if you haven’t learned how to process that, it’s going to be affecting what you earn and it’s going to be affecting how happy you are. How many of you listening to this have achieved a milestone and it felt good for about two days and then you’re like next right because, it’s common.

Tom: 

It’s common. I work with this guy. I was talking to this guy, you know, a while ago and and, uh, you know he’d raised 23 million, giving his company a valuation of 300 million. He’s on set. A few years he’ll be at a billion pound valuation. He’s a very successful guy and I said, when you raise that 23 million, how long did it feel good for you know that 300 million valuation of your company? You know that 300 million valuation of your company. I went three days and he went two.

Tom: 

It’s just like you know, because that’s not, it’s not where our happiness comes from, you know. Now, at the same time, I’m not against us having extraordinary achievements. I love that. I love helping people build the lives that they adore, and it’s just understanding that. You know what our satisfaction doesn’t come from. What we get’s, it’s who we’re becoming in the process. It’s going to be able to be able to put our head on the pillow at night and be proud of who we are, as a man or as a woman, who’s in their integrity, who’s performing at their best, who is giving back to the world and is is, is having a positive impact through what they’re doing and is, in principle, loves themselves enough to build a life that they adore.

Tom: 

Some people say to me so you’re just kind of making people selfish. I’m like, well, yeah, on one level, but with one difference Selfish people who have no fear are selfless. They’re just beautiful people to be around. They’re naturally philanthropic, they’re naturally charitable, they’re naturally gorgeous and fun to be around. It’s like their contribution is not the money that they’re giving to good causes or the people in their family they help along the way, or it’s that. It’s that person walking around in the world just with that smile on their face, that twinkle in their eye, that spring in their step wherever he goes or wherever she goes. That’s your contribution, your happiness, your success, driving your contentment. That’s the greatest gift. That’s our greatest gift. Will philanthropy follow that? For sure, 100%, because you’ll be in surplus, you’ll have more than you need and you’ll gladly help out other people in need. That happens naturally. That’s a symptom of just your success. But your contribution is not that. Your contribution is your happiness. That’s what the field needs.

Tom: 

We’re part of the connected field. We’re evolving. It’s trying to work out new ways of being better, more beautiful. It’s like when we get that that’s the plan, then our work becomes a gymnasium for our character. We want to smash it at work, because we’re then going to be a better husband, we’re going to be a better father, we’re going to be a better mother, it’s going to be a better daughter, a better citizen. It’s like our work is where we develop our character. You know, when we get that, it’s like going to the gym and it’s like good to go to the gym. Our job, our dreams are like a workshop for our soul. You know, and we think of it like that, success follows naturally that’s cool, man.

Dr. James: 

Thanks for sharing. Thanks for sharing. And you know what there was when you were talking. There was like 10 different directions. My mind was going in terms of what to ask next, and I think here’s the best one. Okay, here is the one that topped the lot. This is the best one, right? So you’re talking about aligning who we are with our inner essence, becoming closer and closer and closer to who we really are, rather than this identity that’s been crafted to a degree by the external world, by the science of it, right? Yeah?

Tom: 

exactly, exactly, so here’s the thing.

Dr. James: 

I yeah, I’ve heard something similar before and it kind of like this your inner essence is in here and you’ve got these successive layers to bust through right Like an onion. Yeah, and you listen. You know where my words are coming from in this book. It’s from that book the David, what’s it? The David data one.

Tom: 

Oh, David, the way of the superior man.

Dr. James: 

Yeah, the title is a little bit uh, pompous, I guess, isn’t it really? But there’s some good stuff in there, because I remember we talked about it, didn’t we?

Dr. James: 

but anyway, so in that book for those who haven’t read it, it’s like your essence is in here. There’s a lot of layers of the onion to peel through to get to your essence right, to get to the thing that really makes you happy, but you have to unpeel one fully before you can get to the next one. You have to create stability right, and what they mean by that is like, say, you’ve got a job, you have to have some cash flow so that you don’t just keep rebounding in this area. Otherwise you’ll just need to generate money from somewhere and you’ll kind of not really find the thing that really makes you happy. Anyway, the whole reason I explained that was because you touched upon it and I was wanting to know what is the blueprint for investigating that process for an individual. How do we understand what their inner essence looks like versus where they are and how they can successfully get closer and closer? How’s that done?

Tom: 

Nice. So I really like my kind of metaphor. I love, for this is Michelangelo’s response to his sculpting of the statue David right, which is considered by most kind of art buffs to be the best sculpture ever made. It’s like four meters tall. If you just look at the detail of the veins on his hands, it will blow your mind. But what a lot of people don’t know is that that white marble that he carved him out of was a notoriously horrible piece of marble to work with. It was so stiff. That’s what enables you to do all the detail, but it’s a real pick to work with. Two other sculptors had given up on it and someone said to him how did you make david? He’s like I didn’t make david. David was already fully and perfectly formed within the rock. I just had to remove everything that wasn’t david. I love that.

Tom: 

Now, for me, we don’t need to work on discovering our essence. What we need to work on is dissolving the moments that took us away from our essence. So in our story as we develop, in naturally going from being in the womb to being born, to this process, there are key moments that I call no, moments that everyone goes through and we all have a fair share of additional ones that give us a sense of being separate and a sense of being less than adequate. And in those moments we compensate. We either hide or give up or work too hard or become a people pleaser, become overly successful. We all got our strategies, and so I call them our complaints, which are the bad things that happen to us, that knock the wind out of ourselves. And our compensations. They know those compensations might be about really good things that have helped you make an awful lot of money. They might be very dear to you, some of those compensatory behaviors, but they’re all still nothing to do with who you truly are. So what you want to do, what you have to do, is systematically go on a journey to find these no moments, these moments in your process of becoming who you are, and be able to dissolve them.

Tom: 

And for me, in the 23 years I’ve been obsessed with understanding transformation, there are hundreds of different techniques, but really you can put any of those techniques into what I call kind of six categories. I believe there’s six kind of transformational techniques that create life change. So my work with clients is to teach them these six techniques so that people aren’t dependent, so that they then got the tools with which to continue to cleansing their idea of who they are and to turn up every day in greater alignment. So really, it’s their idea of who they are, and to turn up every day in greater alignment. So really it’s.

Tom: 

You don’t need to do anything to enhance the essence of who a person is. You just have to remove all the things that block them from seeing that On my website, the first thing you’ll see is when you see yourself, as I already see you, there’ll be no stopping. That’s the essence. It’s like it’s already there, it’s ready to go. In that place we’re full of love, we’re super happy and we’re naturally abundant, and that stuff can’t even be touched. You know, the Buddha said the moon is often hidden by the clouds, but it is not moved by them and its purity remains untarnished In our inner essence. It’s undented, it’s ready to go, it’s fired up and we all feel it. We feel it, we know it, we know we’ve got this extraordinary potential inside us. It terrifies us. We wonder if our friends will still talk to us. We’re terrified of success too, you know, because we know there’s something so glorious about it that it’s almost terrifying to step into that right I agree.

Dr. James: 

It’s almost like we’re not ready for it, even though we said we want it.

Tom: 

To a degree it’s huge, because we know it’s going to be so big and so beautiful that it’s a lot to take on, and we know it’ll be a lot for the people around us to take on, and that’s key as well. But when we’re driven by, I’m not good enough and I’m going to show it to the world and I’m going to be validated by my success. It’s gross and people don’t like it. They feel like you put your nose in the air and you’re lording above them because you are. There’s a little kid inside who didn’t feel special enough. He’s trying to prove something to them. He’s trying to prove that he’s better than them. No one likes that. But it’s possible to have success without any of that. It’s not about humility. It’s just about I’m just like, I want to be the full expression of my greatest capability and I’m in love with that. We don’t. We don’t look at a beautiful sunflower and go show off, right because somehow it doesn’t need your praise, right.

Tom: 

It’s when someone’s showing off to get validation, that’s when it puts us off. So helping working out how to be your fullest expression, being extraordinarily beautifully, unique, but in no way walking around thinking that that makes you better than anybody else. You might be more expressed, but everyone I meet I’m like’m like if you in your freest, most fullest, most beautiful place, you’d be absolutely glorious. Now everyone has that capacity to live abundantly and freely. For me there’s a, there’s a connect there and people say, oh well, some people don’t have the intelligence for me, when you get a vibrationally clearer of the stuff that’s blocking who you really are, you start to kind of access a greater level of understanding of things Like intelligence is to do with our integration. We get a much more aligned and capable creativity and capability when we clear all the decks of our doubt and our need to be special and our need to be validated.

Dr. James: 

all that stuff it gets in the way to be special and I need to be validated all that stuff that gets in the way. So there’s no cap on us expressing our radiance, so to speak, like the sunflower. Yeah, providing it’s a line, providing it comes from a place of authenticity. It’s the second that it becomes arrogant. That it’s an issue is that? Is that what you’re saying?

Tom: 

100%, yeah, 100%, and there’s loads of people out there who are incredibly successful, who we just adore because they’re just expressing their authentic selves and they’re like smashing it and we’re just like you go, man. You go because they’re not lording over anyone, they don’t need that, they’re not doing it for that reason. They’re just epic and we love epic, but it’s almost like I’m more epic than you. Look at me. It’s just like it’s. It’s, it’s awful, it’s just egotism and actually we just it just doesn’t feel good because we know it’s not good for them either, which is why they’re behind closed doors crying into their cornflakes. They’re not happy. That doesn’t make them happy, because nothing, nothing external, does but being in the fullest expression of our greatest glory. That feels good, because what we get although we get stuff it’s because it feels great to be that version of ourselves and and when we know that’s authentic.

Tom: 

Because those people just walk around trying to get everyone else to see their potential and when you’re that kind of person, you’re naturally a leader. When you have that natural leadership, people will follow, they will listen and you have the ability to raise money, to get investment, to get partnership. People want to mate with you. You know it’s like all the good things. Just when we don’t need it, we get it. This is the greatest paradox of life just when we don’t need it, we are in the best position to get it. That’s why we have such problem with politics, because those people want power to either the last people to have power, that’s the last people that should have power, because they want it.

Tom: 

We need to find people who would never want to be yeah, there was so much stuff there that was really cool sorry, we finished well, I mean we could go on for more, but yeah, I think we. Uh, it’s probably enough.

Dr. James: 

There’s a big download, but I’m happy to take one last question well, here’s the thing, here’s what was going through my head when I heard you talking. So this is brilliant and from a high level. This covers why we think and do the things that we do right, which is it’s self-awareness, or at least it’s that in part. Yeah, so if we were to make it maybe like, bring it down like one step more and just focus it in Right, let’s talk, let’s use the onion analogy we were talking about earlier. What do those layers often look like? Or what thing do you commonly see that people need help with in overcoming, such as those traumatic incidents that we talked about, like when we were made to feel not enough?

Tom: 

I’m sure there’s themes, well, well, there are. I mean it’s it’s a big topic but just briefly and um, you know, and we could do a master class on this because we’d have a bit more time to go into it more deeply. In fact, I mean I’ve got a, I’ve got a recording of a master class which I’d be happy to share, which is where I go into this in more detail. You can just share with your people. It’s a beautiful transmission, really understanding the psychology of how we get in the way. But in the simplest form, we have to. We have to have an inner life. You know, socrates said the life, a life unexamined, is no life at all. What he meant by that is you have to understand who you are and how you’re turning up and why you’re turning up in that way, right, so it’s understanding that our childhood, our parents’ beliefs, all the things that happened to us, these turn us into a way of being that isn’t necessarily who we really are. And the job is to be able to contemplate how did that impact on me? What belief did I derive from that? What beliefs did I inherit from that? What story did I tell myself? And systematically rebuilding a psychology of belief and value beyond what the world has reflected to us. The world is confused, and has been for a long time, and it’s hard to be human without getting cynical or doubting ourselves or doubting others, and so it’s about returning to our innocence, returning to our state of deservingness, and looking at everything that’s dented. That and just giving literally honestly. It’s about giving space for the feelings that we’re there, which we hide. We keep busy, we have another drink, we don’t stop, we don’t feel, we we see it, we see it as vulnerability, but actually taking time to systematically go and visit those moments that were hard and to create space for us to feel the feelings and then dissolve the limiting belief that we chose to believe at that time.

Tom: 

It really is the techniques to do that might not necessarily be that simple, but the overview, the practical overview, is really that’s what’s involved and you can do that yourself. It takes courage and it takes time, but the more that you do that, the less reactive you’ll be, the less angry you’ll be, the less egotistical you’ll be, the less jealous you’ll be, the more you’ll find yourself able to communicate from a state of flow and to lead creatively the whole thing. And as soon as you get a real taste of that potential coming through. More it gets addictive in a really beautiful way, like I want freedom, I want natural abundance from a place of grace and capability and flow and all these things that the greatest performers talk about, these moments of sublime capability that they can’t plan for.

Tom: 

All the practice is about getting out of the way of yourself so you can get into an automatic state and then you know it’s like, wow, magical things happen, magical people come our way, synchronicities occur, we attract the people who are going to help us move forward. The whole thing we just start to. There’s a vibrational kind of awareness of what’s for us and what isn’t, and the more we work out who we really are, the more we know what our tune sounds like and we know when someone’s playing a fiddle which matches. You know we. Just the system works beautifully if we, if we, if we listen and we feel enough of what’s true awesome man.

Dr. James: 

Thank you so much. You know what? There was. One thing I was going to say just then, and I and obviously the the name of this podcast is the denison fest podcast, so obviously it’s all about wealth. Yeah, and not that that’s the only thing in life, it’s not the most important thing, but it is something that can facilitate our freedom of the things.

Tom: 

Yeah, yeah and all these things we’re talking about.

Dr. James: 

Just to really nail this point home. These are all things that will allow us to be healthier, wealthier and happier.

Tom: 

A lot of essence yeah, yeah, just also, just this, just walking around with the feeling like you’ve already made it right, just like that’s the vibration that will mean you make it like be that guy today, be that woman today. It’s like, don’t wait for that feeling. That feeling is the secret like, like, build your life, even if it’s in a small way, if later on it’s going to look like this, then have elements of what your amazing life will look like now. Have little versions of it. Even if it’s just microscopic elements, you know it’s like. Even if it’s just a tiny taste of caviar or one round of golf, you know it’s like.

Tom: 

Whatever it is, that is what your life will be like. Then try and have some element of that now and have the joy of that, because it’s that’s the guy, that’s the woman, it’s the state of being from which everything, everything flows. So just walking around with a sense of your investments are well invested and you’ve got a good return and you’re incredibly grateful, like. If you want, the quickest way to establish that amazing life is walk around with the emotional sensations of feeling blessed and being appropriately grateful, like and so that, if you want the simplest take-home practice, combine that with music that makes you feel blessed and grateful and walk around feeling like you’re a blessed person and that you’re grateful. The more you can do that, the better your life will be, and if you struggle to do that, it’s because you have unresolved emotional content that you need to detox. It’s that simple.

Dr. James: 

Good for thought. That’s awesome, you know what. One final thing, and then we’re going to wrap up, because I like to keep these podcasts about 30, 40 minutes, bite-sized, tangible, entertaining, and all of that. Here’s something that I heard the other day. It’d be interesting to hear you take on this. Someone said this to me and they were saying you know, whenever we experience emotion, each and every one of us is an individual, and let’s say that’s joy, let’s say that’s sadness, let’s say that’s anger, whatever. Oftentimes we blame the external stimuli. We’re like that person made me annoyed, that person made me this, that person made me that, and they might be annoying you know, just for sure, they might be annoying.

Dr. James: 

I get that right. But here’s the thing right. Someone said to me the other day they were like you know, whenever you experience any emotion, that isn’t happiness. Let’s use anger as an example. They didn’t put the emotion in you, the external stimuli, it was already in you, you with me. Yeah, that’s just what conjured it out, right. And then I was like I mean, I already knew, I already know, I already knew that you were accountable to a degree whenever you experience a certain emotion. But whoever said that to me, the person that said that to me, they put it so eloquently, it just took that realization and appreciation of accountability to a whole new level for me.

Dr. James: 

right, and I was like wow, so we can be working on these things all this time, all this time to be more in control. Beautiful, totally. Let’s end it there, man tom, it’s been awesome to have you along today, my friend. Where can people find out more about you, the listeners?

Tom: 

yeah, so, uh, just tomfortismayercom, so that’s where you’ll be able to find what I do hot stuff.

Dr. James: 

Tom, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, thoughts and time with us today. We’re going to have you back soon, 100%.

Tom: 

Amazing James, amazing. Yeah, thank you so much. It’s been a blast.

Dr. James: 

If you enjoyed this podcast, please hit, follow or subscribe so you can stay up to date with information on new podcasts which are released weekly. Please also feel free to leave a positive review so others can learn about this podcast and benefit from it. I would also encourage any fans of the podcast to sign up to the free Facebook community from which the podcast originated. Please search Dentists who Invest on Facebook and hit join to become part of a community of thousands of other dentists interested in improving their finances, well-being and investing knowledge. Looking forward to seeing you on there.

7-Costly-and-Potentially-Disastrous-Mistakes-eBook-Mockup

Never Miss A Dentists Who Invest Podcast Episode Again And Also Receive A Free Report On Investing

Type your details below to download your FREE report

BY SUBMITTING MY EMAIL I CONSENT TO JOIN THE DENTISTS WHO INVEST EMAIL LIST. THIS LIST CAN BE LEFT AT ANY TIME.

Never Miss A Dentists Who Invest Podcast Episode Again And Also Receive A Free Report On Investing​

BY SUBMITTING MY EMAIL I CONSENT TO JOIN THE DENTISTS WHO INVEST EMAIL LIST. THIS LIST CAN BE LEFT AT ANY TIME.