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Dr James:
Hey, what is up team. Welcome back to the Dennis who invest podcast. We have a super interesting guest today. I’m going to learn stuff as well. This is all about the psychology of wealth, less the technical stuff that we talk about. We do that all the time, but that’s boring, right? Or at least when you overdo it it’s boring. Let’s talk about the stuff surrounding it that facilitates our success. I am privileged to be joined by Tom Fortes. Mayor, tom, how are you today, my friend? I’m good.
Tom:
I’m excited for this conversation. It’s my favorite topic. I love what you do and how you do it. I’m really happy to share what we can about the psychology of success. This goes way beyond mindset. It’s a deeper look at really who we think we are, what we think we deserve, what we think we’re capable of, and how that comes about and how we can change it. How most people are unaware of the extraordinary amount of blocks they have in their beliefs about money, about life, about love, about themselves. People are battling against a limited momentum. A lot of people’s mindset work is like Sisyphus They’re pushing that ball up the hill every day. They’ve got miracle mornings. They’re doing all sorts of stuff to get themselves into state. What they’re not doing is going actually. Why don’t I just work on the foundational beliefs so that I can actually wake up feeling incredibly capable and incredibly deserving? Success is normal for me, people with weights. They get their success to feel happy and feel successful. It’s like no, no, no. Get happy and get successful in your sensation of self. Then the money follows that, the love follows that, the life balance follows that.
Dr James:
Well, the analogy that I always use, which is similar-ish to that, is that lots of people sacrifice the journey for the destination, right Yeah?
Tom:
Yeah, But they don’t realize that they get to the destination. If you’ve knackered your engine along the way, you’re not going to end up just resting in the corner fantasizing about retirement. When you work in the right way, there’s no fantasy of retirement 100%.
Dr James:
Here’s the thing. Here’s the scariest thing of all. If we use retirement as an example, most people postpone their happiness until they’re 60, 65, right, Because that’s when we’re supposedly happy, At least if you subscribe to conventional societal wisdom. I guess is one way of putting it. But here’s what I always say to people. I always say hey, listen, how many 65-year-olds do you see running around like, yeah, oh, my God, I’m over the moon. You know what I mean, right? It’s not like there’s this sudden flush of happiness. Here’s the thing not to get a little too morbid. Who’s to say we’re even going to make it that? far We have to give ourselves to be permission during the journey, which is what I think you’re saying right.
Tom:
Yeah, but it’s permission, but it’s also understanding how identity you know so many people are unaware of, like so many of the things that they think are familiar to them or natural to them are to do with the condition and nurture that they experienced, and then it’s not the true nature of who they are. Even your birth order has an impact on who you think you are. The order in which you were born in your family, whether you’re a first born, a second born, third born these things have a massive impact on how we turn out what we believe we’re capable of, whether we’re going to be the good boy or the rebel or you know. This stuff has a huge impact And a lot of times people aren’t analyzing this, even leaders. I go into businesses working with founders or people that own their own business and they’re not aware of the fact that they are in the role of father in a business And are they paying attention to the relationships that their staff have got with their parents? Because that’s going to play out in the boardroom, that’s going to play out in how they manage people. It’s going to play out in how they allow you to manage them or lead them. So much of this psychological stuff has an impact And the success of an organization is completely limited by the success psychology of all of the moving and working parts. If half of your organization, the think of themselves as lowly or as having a life that’s going to be average or mediocre, the whole vibration of the organization is affected by that. You want to create vertical businesses that can expand and where everyone has a chance to be included in the profitability and the capability where all of their lives can have a chance to become more and more glorious And you expand their sense of possible and you make sure you’re making enough money to make everyone a lot more money. It’s like all business is like keeping them on the salary and you know, and then just grow and take out the profits. It’s like no, no, i think way more expansively about how your business can bring out the very best in people, where they will stay for life, where their kids will grow up hoping to be lucky enough to work for that same company. People don’t think long term like that. It’s like how would I create a business like that? You know, if you want to grow a business with people, not everyone wants that You know. It’s like how do you want to live. People kind of wait till they’ve got the success and then they design their life. It’s like no, no, no, from day one. You want to have a clear vision and you want to expand your sense of what’s possible. But it’s so much more than just setting goals and having targets. You know you want to look at what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad. Most people don’t realize we all have an inner imposter. We have an inner saboteur. These parts of us don’t even want us to succeed, or when we are succeeding, it feels eerie, like someone’s going to knock on the door and take it all away. These parts really affect how much we earn Hugely, and so you have to understand where does this come from? How do I find those parts? How do I negotiate with them and get them on the team? People put all this effort into kind of HR managing their stuff. But you need to HR manage all these different parts inside your brain. Get them on new contracts, give them a raise, get them some new clothes, get them some new computers, get them all on the same team. rebrand it, get the values pumping. You know it’s like the stuff people do externally in the business we have to do internally with our psychology.
Dr James:
That’s beautiful. That is really, really fascinating. You know what I’m going to do, what I’m worst at on this podcast, and try to talk less, okay, because I’m going to talk as little as possible because I, i, i. There’s great value. Okay, i’m here to learn as well. Tom, if you’re listening to this podcast, someone know you, someone have yet to meet you. If you were to, i know this is maybe not really something we want to do too much, but if you were to like, label yourself and give yourself some, give those people who are listening some sort of description about who you are, that would be a great place to start And then we can build all the things that we said on all the things that we said.
Tom:
Got it. So I’ve been a therapist for 23 years. I had to practice on Harley street. I now work just solely with business owners and founders and impact entrepreneurs to help them with their mindset, my specialities around sabotage and imposter syndrome. I’ve published author twice. An international speaker, i founded a think tank to help articulate what a beautiful world would be like beyond fear and competition and a sense of lack, and I’m passionate about democratizing mental health tools for the masses to making it affordable. So I created an award winning mindset app and I’m working on a new platform to enable people to do the deepest and most profound healing on themselves without the cost or inconvenience of a therapist. So that’s kind of what I’m all about, but for me, i’d love to share with you a couple of kind of experiments that I think are the most fascinating things around psychology, you know just around. So one of them is an experiment done by two psychologists in the late 60s called Rosenthal and Jacobson, And they were looking at self fulfilling prophecies and what they did was they went into a classroom and these kids were kind of, I think, around 12 and what they did And this is when they in those days they kind of had one teacher for most of their lessons and they assessed these kids. They looked at their intelligence, they looked at their grades, they looked at their memory retention, a whole bunch of different markers for their scholastic abilities And then what they did is they took the teacher to one side, away from the kids, and they pointed out three kids that were gifted Right and we’re going to go a long way according to their assessments right. And then, on that basis, they then assessed them again at the end of the year. But the truth is the psychologists didn’t really select kids from the gifted section. The three they they they selected were from the average section, according to their measures, And what they looked at was how did those three kids do at the end of the year if they had a teacher that believed they were special, And most people know that it’s likely those kids went on to thrive. They did better compared to the other average kids in that class. They performed better in their sense of self, in their confidence, but also their grades Right Now. That’s pretty interesting. That’s really interesting if you manage people right. That’s really interesting if you’re a father or a mother, right If you have kids. But just think for a moment. That teacher knew that they were being assessed by this kind of gaggle of psychologists. I’m not sure what the collective now of psychologists is.
Dr James:
So they were conscious of showing favorite, isn’t it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tom:
A clipboard of psychologists, anyway, and and so they were very careful not to show favoritism. But what they, what the study showed, is something that I would call implied expectation. So imagine the little Johnny puts his hand up and he doesn’t get this math problem. He doesn’t get it. Everything from how that teacher walked towards, walks toward that kid says you’ve got this, you’re bright, you’re gifted, you’re going to go a long way. That implied expectation had an impact on his confidence, on his belief. Now, when you tell, explain that to most people that makes sense. There’s no surprise. It’s almost like one of those experiments they didn’t even need to do. It’s just logical, right. And yes, that’s important if you’re a manager of other people, if you’re a parent. But just stop for a moment and consider, james, how are you with yourself when you run into a challenge, a problem, something Is your first thought your gift, did you write you’re gonna go a long way, you’ve got this. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but the truth is we all knew that if we were to approach ourselves with that sense of belief, would our grades be better? Would we, you know, in adult world? would we be happy? would we be making more money at the end of the year 100%. So our internal relationship with our internal narrative has a massive makes a massive difference. Now you can’t just choose to be positive. This is not wishy-washy, psycho babble about affirmations and just thinking positive. You have to look at, like, what is, what are the limiting beliefs and what are the moments in my life that have affected how I feel about who I am and what I’m capable of? Because most of us have got a massive amount of those memories and moments and we need to clear the deck of those. So another experiment which I just find fascinating, you know, is they took a bunch of gorillas and put them in a room, right, and it’s an enclosure, and in the middle of the room is a ladder. At the top of the ladder is, like, a bunch of bananas, right, and what they do is when the gorillas go up the ladder to get the bananas, they sprayed all of them with cold water, right, and so it was horrible, a horrible experiment, right, but you know, so they only need to do this a couple of times before the gorillas recognize it’s bad news to go and get the bananas, right, they learn. Then what they do is they introduce a new gorilla right Like comes into the space. So all right, mate. I don’t know if the eternal language of gorillas is.
Dr James:
That’s how they talk, right? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, I’m sure.
Tom:
Pretty sure That’s it, yeah, and you know, and they go to go up the ladder and all the other gorillas go mental, right, go crazy. He doesn’t understand why. Then they get sprayed with water and he’s like, all right, all right, all right, i’m sorry, i didn’t know. And so they kind of learn and they get better. They get better at communicating to the gorillas when they come in, that you just don’t go up the ladder, right. But the terrifying thing is, after time, what they did was they swapped out all the gorillas that had ever been sprayed with water and they built this culture and after a while you’d have all gorillas in an enclosure that had never been sprayed with water and none of them would go up the ladder to get the bananas No way. And that is so true. We have tacit limitations in our psychology, in our culture, in our family, like what are your parents’ beliefs about money? What are your parents’ beliefs about success? What did your parents’ marriage teach you about partnership or love or life? These beliefs who we think we are, how we came to be, who we are, what we think is possible, like all of these have a massive impact on our ability to be successful and to enjoy our success. The other most fascinating experiment was done by Harvard, ellen Langer, and she was called Counterclockwise, and you’re going to love this one. They took a bunch of 70-year-old men and they tested them for aging memory grip. They took photos of them, their heart rates, their blood pressure, all these different markers of their biological aging, and then they trained them to remember what their life was like when they were 50, right, and they reminded them of how old their kids would have been and where their kids were going to school and all of that stuff, what they did for jobs, everything. They trained them and trained them and trained them. They then put them in a ranch which was decorated 20 years prior, right, so it was, you know, of the style of 20 years before. Then they piped in old TV shows from that time period and they reprinted old newspapers to look new Again, 20 years prior. So they lived for like two or three weeks as though they were 50. And then they did all of the kind of biological markers of aging and a massive amount of them were reversed reversed just by pretending to experience themselves younger. They had all sorts of moves, so apparently I can’t remember exactly the details, but they took photos of them afterwards And an independent panel of people assessed that they were something like, on average, two or three years younger. When they said how old do you think this person is And they were all aged They thought that the after photos they can have an average of two to three years or something younger, just having spent three weeks living as though they were. That’s nuts. That’s Our mind and our beliefs, our expectations, our identity, our culture, our childhood, our parents’ beliefs. Our grandfather’s unresolved trauma has been proven to impact our epigenetics, dictating which of our genes are activated or not. It’s massively important. It fundamentally underpins how we turn up, how we perform and what we achieve, And for me, it’s incredible that people don’t spend more time thinking about this stuff, because you can change it.
Dr James:
Nuts, And can I ask one thing on that? Can I ask one thing on that? You said was it epigenetics? That’s the word that you said, right? So is that a nature or a nurture thing, Or both, as in the genes that are activated? or here’s the thing, maybe the science doesn’t exist to prove this yet. I don’t know.
Tom:
I mean, so they’ve proven now. So they’ve proven the epigenetics has been proven that the unresolved stress comes through. And so it’s the. It is, you would call it nurture at the point of stress, for the grandfather, right, but by the time it’s being passed on, like you know, through the sperm right And the egg. Then that’s nature, right. So it’s an intersection, i guess, of both really, but it’s like, and so the you know. The biology of belief, incredible book written by Bruce Lipton, is recognizing that our beliefs impact on how our genes are either being switched on or switched off. You know, there’s even cases of multiple personality, mentally unwell people who, in different personalities, have different allergies. So they’ll have an allergy when they’re identifying in one personality but not in another. It’s like that, right For real. I mean literally, as in histamine. Histamine releases in different personalities. And of course you know I’ve helped people deal with allergic reactions because their unconscious has decided something is a threat. I mean that’s essentially, it’s a physiological phobic response to something which is essentially inert. There’s nothing physiologically dangerous about peanuts, but someone’s body has decided a peanut is a threat and therefore it has an allergic reaction to something. There’s a psychological counterpart. And so with deep level therapy or hypnotherapy or these tools that get into the unconscious mind because these can’t be changed with talking therapy, can’t? they have to get into the unconscious mind to reprogram these beliefs and dissolve the limiting beliefs and release the kind of pent up negative emotion that all of us carry, you know. So you need the emotional detox, you need to dissolve the beliefs and then you need to imprint new, empowering, positive beliefs that aren’t some kind of fantasy version of you. It’s the version of you you always would have been had you been brought up perfectly and had enlightened teachers and never experienced anything miserable in your life. You know.
Dr James:
I get that You’re not actually giving them a new identity. you’re actually aligning them more with their true inner identity, which is always in there.
Tom:
Exactly That’s the key People. you know I’m not changing you When I work with clients. I’m not changing them into something new. I’m clearing the deck so they can be who they were always destined to be before life. just beat the crap out of them. And if you’re sitting there thinking, oh life didn’t. you know, i was pretty lucky. you know It’s like, even if you were pretty lucky, i guarantee you there’s at least 50 sucky moments in your life that completely not the wind out of your cells And if you haven’t learned how to process that, it’s going to be affecting what you earn and it’s going to be affecting how happy you are. How many of you listening to this have achieved a milestone and it felt good for about two days And then you’re like next right, because that stuff doesn’t make it feel good.
Dr James:
You can’t see why I am.
Tom:
It’s common. It’s common. I worked with this guy. I was talking to this guy, you know, a while ago and you know he’d raised 23 million, giving his company evaluation of 300 million. He’s on set for a few years He’ll be at a billion pound valuation. He’s a very successful guy And I said, when you raise that 23 million, how long did it feel good for you know, that 300 million valuation of your company, you know? And I went three days and he went two. It’s just like you know, because that’s not, it’s not where happiness comes from, you know. Now, at the same time, i’m not against us having extraordinary achievements. I love that. I love helping people build the lives that they adore, and it’s just understanding that. You know what Our satisfaction doesn’t come from. What we get, it’s who we’re becoming in the process. It’s going to be able to be able to put our head on the pillow at night and be proud of who we are, as a man or as a woman, who’s in their integrity, who’s performing at their best, who is giving back to the world and is having a positive impact through what they’re doing and is, in principle, loves themselves enough to build a life that they adore. Some people say to me so you’re just kind of making people selfish. I’m like, well, yeah, on one level, but with one difference Selfish people who have no fear are selfless. They’re just beautiful people to be around. They’re naturally philanthropic, they’re naturally charitable, they’re naturally gorgeous and fun to be around. It’s like their contribution is not the money that they’re giving to good causes or the people in their family they help along the way, or it’s that person walking around in the world just with that smile on their face, that twinkle in their eye, that spring in their step Wherever he goes or wherever she goes. Is that’s your contribution, your happiness, your success, driving your contentment? That’s the greatest gift, that’s our greatest gift. Will philanthropy follow? that for sure, 100%, because you’ll be in surplus, you’ll have more than you need and you’ll gladly help out other people in need. That happens naturally. That’s a symptom of just your success. But your contribution is not that. Your contribution is your happiness. That’s what the field needs. We’re part of a connected field. We’re evolving. It’s trying to work out new ways of being better, more beautiful. It’s like when we get that that’s the plan, then our work becomes a gymnasium for our character. We wanna smash it at work, because we’re then gonna be a better husband, we’re gonna be a better father, we’re gonna be a better mother. It’s gonna be a better daughter, a better citizen. It’s like our work is where we develop our character. When we get that, it’s like going to the gym And it’s like good to go to the gym. Our job, our dreams are like a workshop for our soul And we think of it like that. Success follows naturally.
Dr James:
That’s cool, man. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for sharing. And you know what, when you were talking, there was like 10 different directions. My mind was going in terms of what to ask next And I think here’s the best one. Okay, here’s the one that topped the law. This is the best one, right? So you were talking about aligning who we are with our inner essence becoming closer and closer to who we really are, about this identity that’s been crafted to a degree by the external world, by the sons of it, right, yeah?
Tom:
Is that clear? Exactly, so here’s the thing.
Dr James:
Yeah, i’ve heard something similar before and it’s kind of like this Your inner essence is in here and you’ve got these successive layers to bust through right like an onion. Yeah, and listen, you know where my words are coming from in this book. It’s from that book, the David. What’s it? the David Data one?
Tom:
David Data. yeah, yeah, The way of the superior man, yeah.
Dr James:
Yeah, the title is a little bit pompous, i guess, isn’t it really? But there’s some good stuff in there, because I remember we talked about it, didn’t we? But anyway. So in that book for those who haven’t read it, it’s like your essence is in here. There’s a lot of layers of the onion to peel through to get to your essence right, To get to the thing that really makes you happy, But you have to unpeel one fully before you can get to the next one. You have to create stability right, And what they mean by that is like, say, you’ve got a job, you have to have some cash flow so that you don’t just keep rebonding in this area. Otherwise you’ll just need to generate money from somewhere and you’ll kind of not really find the thing that really makes you happy anyway. The whole reason I explained that was because you touched upon it And I was wanting to know what is the blueprint for investigating that process for an individual. How do we understand what their inner essence looks like versus where they are and how they can successfully get closer and closer? How’s that done?
Tom:
Nice. So I really like my kind of metaphor I love, for this is Michelangelo’s response to his sculpting of the statue David right, which is considered by most kind of art buffs to be the best sculpture ever made. It’s like four meters tall. If you just look at the detail of the veins on his hands, it will blow your mind right. But what a lot of people don’t know is that that white marble that he carved him out of was notoriously horrible piece of marble to work with. It was so stiff. That’s what enables you to do all the detail, but it’s a real pick to work with. Two other sculptors had given up on it And someone said to him how did you make David? He’s like I didn’t make David. David was already fully and perfectly formed within the rock. I just had to remove everything that wasn’t David. I love that. Now, for me, we don’t need to work on discovering our essence. What we need to work on is dissolving the moments that took us away from our essence. So in our story, as we develop, in naturally going from being in the womb to being born to this process, there are key moments that I call no, moments that everyone goes through And we all have a fair share of additional ones that give us a sense of being separate and a sense of being less than adequate. And in those moments we compensate. We either hide or give up or work too hard or become a people pleaser, become overly successful. We all got our strategies, and so I call them our complaints, which are the bad things that happened to us, that knocked the wind out of ourselves and our compensations. And those compensations might be about really good things that have helped you make an awful lot of money. They might be very dear to you, some of those compensatory behaviors, but they’re all still nothing to do with who you truly are. So what you want to do, what you have to do, is systematically go on a journey to find these no moments, these moments in your process of becoming who you are, and be able to dissolve them. And for me, in the 23 years I’ve been obsessed with understanding transformation, there are hundreds of different techniques, but really you can put any of those techniques into what I call kind of six categories. I believe there’s six kind of transformational techniques that create life change. So my work with clients is to teach them these six techniques so that people aren’t dependent, so that they then got the tools with which to continue to clean, cleansing their idea of who they are, and to turn up every day in greater alignment. So really it’s. You don’t need to do anything to enhance the essence of who a person is. You just have to remove all the things that block them from seeing that On my website, the first thing you’ll see is when you see yourself, as I already see you, there’ll be no stopping. That’s the essence. It’s like it’s already there, it’s ready to go. In that place we’re full of love, we’re super happy and we’re naturally abundant, and that stuff can’t even be touched. The Buddha said the moon is often hidden by the clouds, but it is not moved by them and its purity remains untarnished In our inner essence. It’s undented, it’s ready to go, it’s fired up and we all feel it. We know it, we know we’ve got this extraordinary potential inside us. It terrifies us. We wonder if our friends will still talk to us. We’re terrified of success, too, because we know there’s something so glorious about it that it’s almost terrifying to step into that Right.
Dr James:
I agree. It’s almost like we’re not ready for it, even though we said we want it to a degree.
Tom:
It’s huge because we know it’s gonna be so big and so beautiful that it’s a lot to take on, and we know it’ll be a lot for the people around us to take on, and that’s key as well. But when we’re driven by, i’m not good enough and I’m gonna show it to the world and I’m gonna be validated by my success. It’s gross and people don’t like it. They feel like you put your nose in the air and you’re lording above them because you are. There’s a little kid inside who didn’t feel special enough, who’s trying to prove something to them, who’s trying to prove that he’s better than them. No one likes that. But it’s possible to have success without any of that. It’s not about humility, it’s just about I’m just like. I wanna be the full expression of my greatest capability And I’m in love with that. We don’t look at a beautiful sunflower and go show off, right.
Dr James:
Because a sunflower doesn’t need your praise right.
Tom:
It’s when someone’s showing off to get validation. That’s when it puts us off. So helping working out how to be your fullest expression, being extraordinarily beautifully unique, but in no way walking around thinking that that makes you better than anybody else. You might be more expressed for everyone I meet. I’m like if you’re in your freest, most fullest, most beautiful place, you’d be absolutely glorious. Now everyone has that capacity to live abundantly and freely. For me there’s a connect there And people say, oh well, some people that have the intelligence For me. When you get a vibrationally clearer of the stuff that’s blocking who you really are, you start to kind of access a greater level of understanding of things like intelligence is to do with our integration. We get a much more aligned and capable creativity and capability when we clear all the decks of our Tao and our need to be special and our need to be validated, all that stuff that gets in the way.
Dr James:
So there’s no cap on us expressing our radiance, so to speak, like the sunflower, providing its aligning, but providing it comes from a place of authenticity. It’s the second that it becomes arrogant, that it’s an issue. Is that what you’re saying? 100%, 100%.
Tom:
And there’s loads of people out there who are incredibly successful, who we just adore because they’re just expressing their authentic selves and they’re like smashing it. And we’re just like you go, man. You go Because they’re not lording over anyone, they don’t need that, they’re not doing it for that reason. They’re just epic And we love epic, but it’s almost like I’m more epic than you. Look at me. It’s just like it’s awful, it’s just egotism And actually it just doesn’t feel good because we know it’s not good for them either, which is why they’re behind closed doors crying into their cornflakes. They’re not happy. That doesn’t make them happy, because nothing external does, but being in the fullest expression of our greatest glory, that feels good. Not because what we get although we get stuff it’s because it feels great to be that version of ourselves And when we know that’s authentic, because those people just walk around trying to get everyone else to see their potential. And when you’re that kind of person, you’re a naturally leader. When you have that natural leadership, people will follow, they will listen And you have the ability to raise money, to get investment, to get partnership. People will want to mate with you. It’s like all the good things Just when we don’t need it, we get it. This is the greatest paradox of life Just when we don’t need it, we are in the best position to get it. That’s why we have such problem with politics because those people want power. It’s why they’re the last people to have power. They’re the last people that should have power, because they want it. We need to find people who would never want to be a politician to be a politician.
Dr James:
Yeah. I always thought man there was so much stuff there.
Tom:
That was really cool.
Dr James:
Sorry, we finished.
Tom:
Well, I mean we could go on for more, but yeah, I think there’s probably enough. There’s a big download, But I’m happy to take one last question.
Dr James:
Well, here’s the thing. Here’s what was going through my head when I heard you talking. So this is brilliant And from a high level. This covers why we think and do the things that we do right, Which is, in itself, awareness, or at least it’s that in part. So if we were to make it, maybe bring it down one step more and just focus it in right. Let’s use the Onion analogy we were talking about earlier. What do those layers often look like? What thing do you commonly see that people need help with in overcoming, such as those traumatic incidents that we talked about, Like when we were made to feel not enough? I’m sure there’s themes.
Tom:
Well, there are. I mean, it’s a big topic but just briefly, and we could do a masterclass on this because we’d have a bit more time to go into it more deeply. In fact, i mean I’ve got a recording of a masterclass which I’d be happy to share, which is where I go into this in more detail. You can just share with your people. Yes, sure, so it’s a beautiful transmission to really understand the psychology of how we get in the way, but in the simplest form, we have to have an inner life. Socrates said a life unexamined is no life at all. What he meant by that is you have to understand who you are and how you’re turning up and why you’re turning up in that way. Right, so it’s understanding that our childhood, our parents’ beliefs, all the things that happened to us, these turn us into a way of being that isn’t necessarily who we really are. And so it is to be able to contemplate how did that impact on me? What belief did I derive from that? What beliefs did I inherit from that? What story did I tell myself? And systematically rebuilding a psychology of belief and value beyond what the world has reflected to us. The world is confused, and has been for a long time And it’s hard to be human without getting cynical or doubting ourselves or doubting others, and so it’s about returning to our innocence, returning to our state of deservingness, looking at everything that’s dented that And just giving literally honestly. It’s about giving space for the feelings that were there, which we hide, we keep busy, we have another drink, we don’t stop, we don’t feel, we see it as vulnerability. But actually taking time to systematically go and visit those moments that were hard and to create space for us to feel the feelings and then dissolve the limiting belief that we chose to believe at that time. It really is the techniques to do that might not necessarily be that simple, but the overview, the practical overview, is really that’s what’s involved And you can do that yourself. It takes courage and it takes time, but the more that you do that, the less reactive you’ll be, the less angry you’ll be, the less egotistical you’ll be, the less jealous you’ll be, the more you’ll find yourself able to communicate from a state of flow and to lead creatively the whole thing. And as soon as you get a real taste of that potential coming through more, it gets seductive in a really beautiful way. I want freedom, i want natural abundance from a place of grace and capability and flow, and all these things that the greatest performers talk about, these moments of sublime capability that they can’t plan for. All the practices about getting out of the way of yourself so you can get into an automatic state, and then it’s like, wow, magical things happen, magical people come our way, synchronicities occur, we attract the people who are going to help us move forward, the whole thing. We just start to get a vibrational kind of awareness of what’s for us and what isn’t, and the more we work out who we really are, the more we know what our tune sounds like And we know when someone’s playing a fiddle which matches that We. Just the system works beautifully if we listen and we feel. Enough of what’s true.
Dr James:
Awesome man. Thank you so much. You know what? There was one thing I was going to say just then, and obviously the name of this podcast is the Dennis and Fess podcast. So obviously it’s all about wealth. Yeah, and not that that’s the only thing in life, it’s not the most important thing but, it is something that can facilitate or free. Yeah, and all these things I was talking about. just to really nail this point home. These are all things that will allow us to be healthier, wealthier and happier. I’m not just saying that essence, yeah.
Tom:
Yeah, just also, just just walking around with the feeling like you’ve already made it Like, just like that’s the vibration that will mean you make it Like be that guy today, be that woman today. It’s like, don’t wait for that feeling. That feeling is the secret Like, like, build your life, even if it’s in a small way, if later on it’s going to look like this, then have elements of what your amazing life will look like now. Have little versions of it. even if it’s just microscopic elements, you know it’s like. Even if it’s just a tiny taste of caviar or one round of golf, you know it’s like. Whatever it is, that is what your life will be like. Then try and have some element of that now and have the joy of that, because it’s that’s the guy, that’s the woman, it’s the state of being from which everything, everything flows. So, just walking around with a sense of your investments are well invested and you’ve got a good return and you’re incredibly grateful, like. If you want, the quickest way to establish that amazing life is walk around with the emotional sensations of feeling blessed and being appropriately grateful, like. So if that, if you want the simplest, take on practice, combine that with music that makes you feel blessed and grateful and walk around feeling like you’re a blessed person and that you’re grateful. The more you can do that, the better your life will be, and if you struggle to do that, it’s because you have unresolved emotional content that you need to detox. It’s that simple.
Dr James:
Good for thought. That’s awesome, you know what. One final thing, and then we’re going to wrap up, because I like to keep these podcasts about 30, 40 minutes bite sized, tangible, entertaining, and all of that. Here’s something that I heard the other day be interesting here you take on this. Someone said this to me and they were saying you know, whenever we experience emotion, each and every one of us is an individual, and let’s say that’s joy, let’s say that sadness, let’s say that’s anger, whatever. Oftentimes we blame the external stimuli. We’re like that person made me annoyed, that person made me this, that person made me that, and they might be annoying. Just for sure It might be annoying, i get that right. But here’s the thing right. Someone said to me the other day they were like you know, whenever you experience any emotion, that isn’t happiness. Let’s use anger as an example. They didn’t put the emotion in you, the external stimuli, it was already in you, you with me. Yeah, that’s just what I’m calling it Right. And then I was like I mean, i already knew, i already know, i already knew that you were accountable to degree whenever you experience a certain emotion. But whoever said that to me, the person that said that to me, they put it so eloquently, it just took that realization and appreciation of accountability to a whole new level for me. Right And I was like wow, so we can be working on these things all this time, all this time to be more in control. Beautiful, totally There, man, tom, it’s been awesome to have you along today. My friend, where can people find out more about you, the listeners?
Tom:
Yeah, so just Tom forties maycom, so that’s where you’ll be able to find what I do.
Dr James:
Tom, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, thoughts and time with us today. We’re going to have you back soon, 100%.
Tom:
Amazing. Yeah, thank you so much.